THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS - The Science

According to an article published by Johns Hopkins reporting, people who are unforgiving  tend to be more like to suffer from depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. People who hang on to grudges are more likely to experience severe depression and PTSD, as well as other health conditions. 

Johns Hopkins suggests forgiveness can be a learned technique.

"Forgiveness is not just about saying the words. “It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not,” Swartz says. As you release the anger, resentment and hostility, you begin to feel empathy, compassion and sometimes even affection for the person who wronged you."

Practicing these steps, as suggested by Johns Hopkins, can lead us to genuine forgiveness.

That includes the events themselves, and also how you reacted, how you felt, and how the anger and hurt have affected you since.

For instance, if your spouse grew up in an alcoholic family, then anger when you have too many glasses of wine might be more understandable, says Swartz.

Simply forgiving someone because you think you have no other alternative or because you think your religion requires it may be enough to bring some healing. But one study found that people whose forgiveness came in part from understanding that no one is perfect were able to resume a normal relationship with the other person, even if that person never apologized. Those who only forgave in an effort to salvage the relationship wound up with a worse relationship.

An apology may not change your relationship with the other person or elicit an apology from her. If you don’t expect either, you won’t be disappointed.

Once you make that choice, seal it with an action. If you don’t feel you can talk to the person who wronged you, write about your forgiveness in a journal or even talk about it to someone else in your life whom you trust.

The act of forgiving includes forgiving yourself. For instance, if your spouse had an affair, recognize that the affair is not a reflection of your worth, says Swartz.

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it